The Shamey Indiscretion of Flan

Schtick

2012-01-09T10:45:00.000-08:00

I GOT MY FIRST COMMERCIAL?!

Please put me in your gifs.

Late 2010 Interview

2011-07-21T11:19:00.000-07:00

A glimpse into my late 2010 end of Brutal Knights mindstate.

Hamburger Time

2011-07-17T10:41:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who came and had fun at the Neil Hamburger shows. Comedy Bar, Casbah and Starlight Room are all run by good folk. No thanks to people in Toronto who think "Neil Hamburger wants people to heckle him and anyone else involved in his show". If you're going to use that as a rock solid argument, you're wasting my time and also you're wasting the human body you inhabit. That's not the thing. Luckily, that is a tiny group of fools - the majority of people at the shows were there for the laughs.

Game Of Throbs

2011-07-09T09:52:00.000-07:00

I'm watching a lot of this "Game Of Thrones" show right now and I'm not going to lie to you - I love it. Was an ill child's final wish that somebody would make the perfect cruddy soap opera fantasy porno? It must have been, because this HBO series has all the earmarks of the books I that permanently ruined me as a member of sports-enjoying society - it has valiant acts of sacrifice, intrigue, whoring, barbarians and magic. I haven't read the books they are based on, because I have developed a late-in-life paper allergy, but I'm going to guess this is what awaits us in season 2:
- Hundreds of unsimulated, crusty HJs
-A dragon making out with a 'little dude'
- King demands people listen to him but refuses to listen to people. Why kings gotta be like that? That's kings, eh?!
-A talking sword flirts with a cup.
- An old man acts like he's seen it all. Really he's just a little boy inside. We go inside him "Three Kings" style and see the little boy, who is clearly grossed out from being inside an old man.
- Genocide, patricide, regicide, fratricide, ratricide, gatricide, matricide, Gattaca, batricide and child hitting are all rendered entertaining when done with British accents and in the case of Peter Dinklage, "Jeremy Irons meets Alan Rickman" voice.
-The overuse of the phrase 'I can. And I will.' shall continue.
- We will meet the character "Kal Doggo" - a dog man barbarian. Arf!

Put Me On Your Podcast

2011-07-07T13:17:00.000-07:00

The photo above is from a recent appearance on "The Best Show On WFMU" - a radio show that is also PODCASTED. It is a great show, thus it also must be a great podcast.
It didn't get cancelled after I was graciously allowed on the show. In fact it has arguably become even more famous since my appearance. What I'm trying to say: put me on your podcast and good things will happen. Yes, I am threatening you. With good things.

best,
Nick

I Hosted Something.

2011-07-06T15:45:00.000-07:00

What is that something you ask? Oh, just a freaking RIB EATING CONTEST.

Shoutouts to Guy Alaimo!

Heave Ho

2011-06-21T15:18:00.000-07:00

I have read on the social media outlets that a premium DVD for The Best Show On WFMU with Tom Scharpling(a radio show on which I had the pleasure of appearing) has been released to the general public. Brutal Knights got to write a song for it, entitled "Heave Ho". The lyrics are unavailable on the DVD so I thought I'd post them here in case anyone was interested. Here goes!
HEAVE HO
Get off of my phone
I don’t like your tone
Don’t call me from the cell
You’re unintelligible
Don’t be a perv
Or I’ll spike thee
Don’t be rude
Don’t talk over me
Heave Ho
Time To Go
Don’t mention Monk
Don’t mention pranks
Don’t use funny voices
Best Show is for pro-choicers
Heave Ho
Time to go

Davida

2011-06-14T21:58:00.000-07:00

I need to write a piece for something that Davida Nemeroff is making. I've been dragging my ass about it. Feel free to pressure me to write this thing.
Look at the pictures she takes.

Cat Life

2011-06-13T10:38:00.000-07:00

Live Shows!

2011-06-07T12:58:00.000-07:00

Hi friends. My man Anthony at Talent Moat records put this up on his website earlier, but I thought I should tell you about shows I'm doing in the near future!! They're all great!?!?

June 11 - East End Comedy Revue Humane Society Benefit, Dominion Tavern Toronto,ON.
June 13 - Laughable At Unlovable, 1415 Dundas St West, 830.
June 18 - Ottawa Explosion with White Wires, Heavy Cream and more. Babylon. Ottawa,ON
June 26 - Laugh Sabbath Hour Of Power, Rivoli, Toronto, ON.9PM
If that weren't enough, 4 dates with NEIL HAMBURGER!
July 13 - Casbah, Hamilton, Ontario
July 14 - Starlight Lounge, Waterloo, ON
July 15 - Comedy Bar, Toronto, ON.
July 16 - Comedy Bar, Toronto, ON.
See all of Neil's dates here.

A Comedy Sampling.

2011-06-06T12:25:00.000-07:00

Above is a video of me doing comedy at Kumail & Jonah Ray's Comedy Meltdown show at Meltdown Comics in February. Right?

I'm Here All Weak

2011-06-06T11:40:00.000-07:00

I wanted a "viral video" to accompany my album I'm Here All Weak, so I asked the amazing geniuses at Famicon to make one. They had me re-record my album in an empty room, and this is the result. Enjoy!

Bach With A Vengeance

2011-06-06T11:06:00.000-07:00

I would love to see JS Bach return from the grave and start showing all these new musicians how it's REALLY done. So would my psychiatrist, who is a huge classical music buff. He recently switched his hours to one day a week so I probably won't be able to visit him much anymore. The solution? Start updating this blog more often. So expect a lot of informative posts about my breakfasts and cats in my life. Please welcome me back with open arms and a gentle spirit.

The Most Heartbreaking Youtube Video Available

2010-08-27T09:11:00.000-07:00

Killer Elite Reunion

2010-08-24T09:56:00.000-07:00

10 years ago, I helped sing in a band called Killer Elite. We mostly played in Toronto. We liked MC5, Alice Cooper, Stooges and wrestling. There were two singers. We made balloons with our logo on it. I got a tattoo related to the band. In short, It was fun and tumultuous. We are reuniting for one show at the Horseshoe Tavern, opening for Quest For Fire's album release. We made one seven inch in our time and I can't find any youtube footage. So all I present to you is the poster for the show:

WINGS

2010-08-17T10:33:00.001-07:00

So we just made a new Brutal Knights album. It will be called Blown 2 Completion. Everyone knows I love chicken wings so much, so I wrote a song about it. Here are the lyrics...
WINGS

I've got a tapeworm plus empty 'frigerator

Go to the pub, look at the menu

My eyes doth see an item that my stomach wants to do

Someone named me is hungry for a chicken food

I want wings

They are the only things
I need wings

The food of queens and kings

I want wings

Celery and carrots too

I want wings

Don't forget the dip

Seasons are immaterial to this bountiful feast

I like to eat them buffalo style with blue cheese

Waitress you are stupid

I'm just kidding could you have been sent by cupid

I'm in love with you

But first bring wings is what you do

Don't you know they're my favorite food?
I believe that wings taste good

I want to eat so many I could fly

Then launch myself into the sun

A sickening demise

G20 - BINGO!

2010-06-28T09:43:00.000-07:00

In case you live "under Iraq", you missed out on quite the spectacle in my birth town of Toronto, Canada recently. We hosted some kind of leadership seminar called "G20" - the 'G' stands for 'gangsta' of course - where all the presidents and prime ministers trade information about which countries are the oiliest. In the end, the Italian guy wipes a kerchief on his sweaty head and reveals that his country is the oiliest. Then he leaves via helicopter and Obama says 'where does he get those wonderful toys?'.
Anyway, there were all kinds of protesters surrounding the event, trying to bring their causes to light. These causes included such causes as:

a)Free blood for vampires
b)Free homes for the unhomed, with hilarious hidden fees that show up when they least expect it - when they are in the bath, 'bathturbating'.
c)free packs of gums (for the gums-free)
d)Making food currency so that when people go to food banks they "make money"
e)Funding for gloryholes in trees, because trees need fellatio too!
f)End the making of marshmallows
g)Stop turning lambs into lamps! End the era of the lamb lamp!
h)Declaring Germany officially sort of forgiven for World Wars 2 & 1.
i)Signing a petition to give Tim Burton a talking to about style over substance, and aging.
j)Revealing the ending of M.Shlmaoyan movies to the public before we see the movie - if it's a neat enough ending we'll still go, but if it's irritating, we stay home.
k) Make it free to go to movies. Popcorn costs $20 though.
l)Horses get to ride humans for a change(no homo)
m)Stop discrimination against people who play MMORPGs - I once told a girl I played Everquest and she LITERALLY castrated me.
n)Start making umpires more accountable.
o)Make it illegal for homeless people not to busk.

All of these causes were protested,but nobody noticed. The evil media and the unlegitimate police state decided to burn their own cars in protest of the protesters to distract from our true causes.
What We Have Learned
Never let your guard down, and always have a hackey sack handy.

The Last Airbender

2010-06-26T10:38:00.000-07:00

I review the new Gem Sharmlayan film trailer.

THE A TEAM

2010-06-13T10:17:00.000-07:00

The A Team trailer review you've "A"ll been waiting for!

Official Arm Statement.

2010-06-09T20:24:00.000-07:00

Good ol' days of the right arm
I wanted to clear up exactly what happened to me regarding injuries sustained during a show my band Brutal Knights played Saturday June 5 in Montreal. Everything was proceeding fairly normally; I ventured into the crowd and wound up crowdsurfing for a bit, and then tried to head back to the stage. Unfortunately, I fell on my right arm, and it cracked, puncturing the skin slightly and breaking both bones in my forearm. Almost everybody threw up. I remained conscious throughout the experience. They even snapped a hot picture.

new style
Two plates were placed in my forearm. I stayed in the Montreal General Hospital until Monday June 7, when I was driven back to Toronto through the help of our guitarist Jon Sharron and his dad Larry. We had to cancel upcoming shows at the Horseshoe with Mudhoney in Toronto as part of NXNE and The Townehouse in Sudbury. It’s going to take awhile to get better, but it will get better. I'm going to use this rest time to work on my comedy album coming out on Talent Moat Records in September called I’m Here All Weak and Brutal Knights are releasing an album on Deranged Records in October. It will either be called Barely Regal or Blown 2 Completion.

Rules 4 Livin'

2010-05-15T12:46:00.000-07:00

Guys, sometimes I get sad and things get weird. Here are things that make me stop the melancholy:

Eating whole bags of chips
Shooting guns at rich people in my mind!
Gum
The knowledge that I had nothing to do with the making of terrible film Velvet Goldmine
Remembering how fond my grandparents were of me
Using my mind to change the race/gender of people I look at

Follow these rules and you'll never be sad!

New Trailer Reviews!

2010-05-02T16:08:00.000-07:00

Hi folks. I've been remiss, but here are a couple of new Trailer Reviews I made. Exciting!
Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

Kick-Ass

Season Of The Witch

Let me know how you like!

Rhymefest Interview

2010-03-19T09:21:00.000-07:00

So I interviewed Chicago rapper Rhymefest for spinner.com as part of their huge SXSW preview - they interviewed 2000 bands for it! He had a lot to say and my spinner piece only contained some of it. Here's the rest. Please enjoy, and check out his album when it comes out May 18th.

Sorry about my phone problems. It's hard figuring out technology!
We live in the future, but it's complicated. I've been saying that for awhile – we live in a bright new future at the price of our freedom.
What's the freedom that's lost?
Let me give an example: with the invention of the iPad, bookstores will go out of business, like how Netflix put blockbuster out of business. So when that happens and you're getting all your knowledge from an iPad, when college students are [using it] instead of a bookbag, it's convenient. What happens is independent bookstores where the government can't track what the people are buying, what they're reading, [you won't have those soon]. It's a way to burn books. It's all electronic. Our government is in a position where the whole thing is to gather information on everybody, and what everybody's doing – for purposes of selling things to stimulate the economy, and also to get information on who's doing what. It's the price of our freedom – iPhones cost $200, which ain't jack – but you can't do no crime with no iPhone – they know where you at. We satellite tracked you! We can listen to you on your iPhone and as a matter of fact we can blow it up in your hand! It's the bright new future. The great thing about it is it's introduced to children as 'the way things work' – kind of like racism.
Maybe it's the children who find a way around it.
They will be the ones to fight it. They'll be the ones to fight revolutions, and to do that you need to know who you're fighting and why. To do that, you need training. For that, you need rappers and hip-hop, that's what our job is supposed to be. We're supposed to be where you get information about what's going on in the street. This is why it's important to have albums like El Che or artists like Immortal Technique.
Dead Prez...you ever worked with them?
No I haven't. It's unfortunate, certain artists doing stuff like that are almost too intelligent to work with other artists like that, so it's like outsmarting ourselves. We have to do things all together to cause real change.

When did you first start rapping?
When did I get money for rap? Whenever my first rap battle was and I won $100. When did I start making rap a profession when I could support my children? When did I first get a cheque for rapping that was able to buy me a house? 2005. I guess it's all relative.

How would you describe your sound?
My sound is...whatever the soundtrack to your life is – when you're riding down the highway on a roadtrip and you're looking back on your life and thinking about the things you've been through, you're playing Bullet, with me and Citizen Cope ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_56YPH50bGI ) . When you're playing Brand New because you got your brand new car and you think back to the time [that song] as poppin'. It's the soundtrack to your emotions. When you think about a Chicago artist, or at least the ones that a lot of people know, Chicago is the home of the blues, and I think unintentionally a lot of the rappers encompass that – in the sense of hardship, soulfulness, a blue collar type of vibe...struggle. Wintertime, violence, the absence of jobs. It creates that type of music.
I know about the cold, I'm calling from Toronto.
Oh, Toronto! How are the games?
The gays?
No, the games!
The gangs?
THE GAMES! The winter games.
Ohhh! That's in Vancouver!
Goddamn man, I didn't say the gangs! You're preoccupied with this! You're like an old person – 'where the games at?' 'oh, there's plenty of gangs – the crips and bloods. All kinds of gays and gangs.'
I guess I just wanted to impress you -
With Toronto's violent organisations. 'Where are the gay gangs!? You gotta see 'em, they wear pink bandanas – call themselves 'Dip Set Canada' – it's Dip Set Canada versus the Fig Leaves.
What are your musical influences?
Growing up, the music that struck me was the Scarfaces, the Geto Boys, Biz Markie was one of my favorite rappers – I loved any rappers that expressed vulnerability in their songs. Slick Rick had it, 2Pac was vulnerable. I never went for the 'I'm invincible, nothing happens to me, and life is great' bravado rappers. I apply music to life, to my everyday existance. The people who won through struggle are the people who resonated musically with me – this is what makes Michael Jacksona and Stevie Wonder and James Brown so great. James Brown could say [sings] 'Please, Please don't go' but then it's The Big Payback. Michael Jackson could sing 'I'm bad' and he could ask why the world is like it is in Human Nature or They Don't Care About Us. You gotta have vulnerability to be viable. Contradiction is beautiful. People have to stop acting like contradiction makes you not real. You're not real when you're saying 'I kill everybody and I'm invulnerable', but when you openly speak and say 'yeah man, I'm conflicted', that's beautiful.
DMX is great for that too – 'I'm gonna spit on you/yeah I know, it's pitiful'
DMX will say 'My mother, my father/I love 'em, I hate 'em'
How did you get your name?
Somebody called me Rhymefest, like it was a superhero name. I [said] 'yes, I am this festival of rhymes you speak of'', but now I that I know better and flow better, I'd rather be called Che. My real name [is more appropriate] for what my music is. I'm 32 years old, I can't go around calling myself Rhymefest. Che is the revolution that I'm on, that's what I'm about, that's my name, and that's why it's the name of my album. The album is all turned in, all done. I'm happy with it – I'm ready to go. I did a song with Saigon that I think is really cool. I did a contest called Give It To Me contest, just to give a rapper a chance to do a verse on a nationally distributed album, and this guy Adai won. I listened to a thousand wack-ass 16 bar verses and picked the one I thought was hot. I didn't want anyone on there who I thought was doing it just for some money – I did have money, all the people who contributed verses got paid, but I didn't want – Phonte would have done it for free, no matter what. When I asked them to do it, they did it – then I sent them some money. We are the last ones – Little Brother, Rhymefest, Slaughterhouse – we're the last ones that rap like we do. There's only a few of us left and we have to take care of each other. We can't be Hollywood about it.
I want Jay Electronica to work out.
I think it'll work out, he's with the right people. Bottom line is that people make excuses to deny something, and excuses have to do with everything but music, which is unfortunate.
What's your biggest vice?
I got my son in the car, you want to embarass daddy? I'll tell you my vice – he knows what my problems are. My biggest vice is selfishness; I'm working on that though, by putting myself in situations where I have to give more or where I give and it makes me feel so good that I continue to do it. Understanding what giving mean – it doesn't mean you don't get anything back, giving just means you're not looking for anything. I'll give you an example – we breathe and we give the trees carbon dioxide, and the trees in turn give us option. But we don't go up to trees and say 'yo, what's up with that oxygen?' It's something that happens naturally. True giving happens naturally, because you know when you give, you receive. In order for me not to be as selfish, I need to understand that I have to give naturally.
It relates to you saying you only wanted to work with people who want to work with you?
I've never been like that with artists – I haven't been like that in music, I've been like that in personal relationships which has hindered my musical career. I've wasted a lot of time being selfish – sometimes you don't realise how one thing has to do with another. You don't realise how if you're not right by your wife, then you may not make music as quick, because you ain't got no peace in the home. If you're not right with your mom, it may delay your album coming out because you dealing with personal family stuff. Sometimes you have to give in order for the rest of your life to flow correctly.
What is your musical guilty pleasure?
My musical guilty pleasure is talk radio. Nobody wants to hear talk radio, but it's music to me because I'm a lyricist, and talk radio is debate – it's lyricism. The art of battling. I learn from it. If anybody else gets in the car, they're like 'will you please turn off NPR?' Aw man, “Welcome to This American Life” - aww yeah! I listen to Terry Gross. I'm an NPR fan. Don't try me with that! I don't listen to as many podcasts as I should, because I lost my iPod with the podcast stuff on it, and when I'm on my internet am I supposed to go to the radio or am I supposed to go to dope Youtube videos or my Netflix? I think I'll go to those.
I go to the messageboards.
Oh, I learned to stop doing that a long time ago. It's no good for an artist. I would encourage all artists to stay off of the boards. Do not read them. The only thing that they're designed to do is make you quit. Like, you'll find yourself arguing with a fuckin' eleven year old – not meaning my son who's also eleven – but you'll find yourself arguing with twelve year olds. I remember someone writing 'Rhymefest's existence disgusts me' and for like five hours I was asking 'why does my existence disgust someone?' I was in the studio – how am I supposed to write a rap under that kind of pressure? I had to go sit on a rock and put my hand on my chin and think to myself how I could make my physical presence un-disgusting to this one human being. I've found people on Twitter will attack me, and I will address them – not in a combative manner, just like 'what did I do?' and I'll give them my number to address me and one of two things will happen. Either they'll call me, and I'll answer and they'll say 'I can't believe you're really on the phone!', really starstruck. Now you're the biggest fan. Or they'll never hit you again, never send another message. All they wanted was some damn attention, and if I gotta give attention to a hundred thousand people, I'll never get work done. You just gotta keep your eyes straight and keep making music.
Beatles or Rolling Stones?
The bowling stones?
Rolling Stones.
Now I'm the old man - “oh those bowling stones”. Beatles were more musically revolutionary than the Rolling Stones, but I like the Rolling Stones better because I believe the Beatles were a government project. I believe they gave kids acid in colleges and then hooked this boy band up, and had them play music to subdue real revolution.
Which government?
Western governments. The FBI, the British version of the FBI – can you use your flux capacitor to google that for me? The western world works together as far as what the agenda will be. I do believe that certain musical groups are used as little weapons of mass destruction; I believe that's the case now, when you look at certain rappers that just rap ignorant. They don't understand. You can't blame them – that's like blaming the bomb. You have to blame the bomb-maker or the bomb deployer or the government. Rappers don't understand that they're being used as weapons to deploy ignorance. When people in Africa are like “Yo I don't wanna speak Swahili, I wanna speak english slang, wear my hat like this, pants sagging and wear a gold chain” It doesn't mean anything when you're in Africa and you've got mountains of gold. What they're doing is dumbing down the populations of other nations and making them forget their own culture.
So a guy in Senegal singing 'you're a window shopper' isn't the best thing?
A guy in Senegal singing 'window shopper' or 'birthday sex' is losing touch with who he is – African music is better than rap music! A guy in Uganda singing 'clean on the inside, clean on the outside' is fucking his life up and don't even realise it. What they're doing is incorporating lost slaves who don't know themselves into their lives.
They're taking things on needlessly. I do wanna hear an African MC though.
There are two kinds of African Mcs. One is Akon, who is a sing-rapper, then you have the ones in Africa who have to act American to be hot. You got those in Europe too. You got Africans in Europe who want to totally forget who they are. Their parents are one generation away but you're calling yourself British? I get into this argument with my African European friends all the time. Mexicans don't come here and say I'm no longer Mexican, I am American. It's dark people being told 'you don't wanna be that'. I know three Congolese who tell me they French. Come on, I know Congo is rotten – but you're not French.
What is in your SXSW survival kit?
Since I know it's in Texas and everything is bigger in Texas, I'm gonna bring a big spoon for the food. Gotta have all your one liner battle rap lines to add to your flow ready; there are gonna be a lot of rappers there and you might get tested. You gotta have them corny little battle rhymes ready. You gotta bring a couple condoms just in case it go down. Bring a T shirt because the weather might be nice, so bring your Hawaiian shirt with the flowers. Skyzoo wil be there so I'll bring my Skyzoo CD to be signed.
He then greets someone he passes on the street
Got to keep in contact with the people in the hood, you know.
I kind of know about that. I live in a Portugese neighbourhood and try to say hi to everyone
You gotta keep your Portugese hood pass! 'My Portugese pass is good, baby!'
You've done a bit of writing for Kanye West. Did you help write the I'm a let you finish speech?
I gotta take credit for that. It was all my idea, and it was a bad idea. The whole Taylor Swift thing was me. I said 'man you know what you should do...' Blame me. Don't blame him.

Repo Men

2010-03-19T08:10:00.000-07:00

New TR: REPO MEN

In other news, I did comedy last night, and it was one of those shows where the crowd was like a silent movie, except without the character on the piano providing background music. It felt like I had tumbled into a void where time, space, humour didn't exist and my entire consciousness had become a vividly gray Greek-owned sports bar filled with onion rings, indifferent people who had no time for my 'combinations of presidents' impressions and a guy who gave me his card and told me I could get an interview for a job in 'sales' after I told him what I do. I woke up today feeling like a kid who did acid the night before: scared and ready to learn more. What do I want to learn more about? Definitely how NOT to wind up having shows like last night.

The Farm

2010-03-17T06:52:00.000-07:00

My friend Tom made a video. I enjoy it and wanted to share it with you.
He also has a blog.

Brutal Knights UPDATE!

2010-03-13T08:24:00.000-08:00

From The Brutal Knights Blog
We just wrote and recorded our first song since last year's legendary "Total Rebellion" sessions, and let me tell you, it was nice to see Katie again. She's doing great!
We recorded a song for a DVD called Fantasia In Best Show Minor, featuring stuff from Fucked Up, Kurt Vile, Tim & Eric, Todd Barry, Yo La Tengo and a bunch more friends of The Best Show On WFMU with Tom Scharpling - a very worthwhile show that I highly recommend you listen to for maximal laughs. Their theme song for the year is the Rollins' Band cover of "Do It'. Unfortunately the DVD is unavailable now that the Best Show's pledge drive is over but a)you will probably use some kind of weird internet power to download it and b)we'll probably use some version of the song in the future.

Anyway, the plan is to write a bunch more songs this year, redo a couple of songs from Total Rebellion, and to cover two songs by Ottawa superpunx Furnaceface, and then release it as an album. What will the album be called? Only my mood this year will decide...thanks for all the nice messages and stuff you send us. It's nice that people are still excited about our pizza band.

love,
Nick

+

=

Hubble 3D

2010-03-09T09:15:00.000-08:00

I review Hubble 3D! IN ACTUAL 3D. I hope you own some 3D glasses. I love using the word 'hope' because as a Canadian, it's the only way I can show support for Obama - but that is a story for another day! Enjoy the video...

Chomedy

2010-02-23T12:48:00.000-08:00

How do you introduce yourself awkwardly? Allow me to show you.

Nick Flanagan

combustiblesound | MySpace Music Videos
This set and some of the others up on myspace happened right before I recorded my album sets - which I am going over this week and organising into some sort of cohesive mess. I'm very excited for the record. I even got Anthony who owns Talent Moat(the label putting out the record) to give me his phone number, so you know I must be legit!

Trailer Review for District 13: Ultimatum

2010-02-22T10:23:00.000-08:00

Yes, I reviewed the ad for French mondo-terror parable District 13:Ultimatum.
Please enjoy!

I watched some movies lately. I saw the original Italian Job - and I'm not talking about the Sistine Chapel, I'm talking about the movie with Michael "John Mc" Caine. He sure wore a lot of eyeliner in the 1960s, but who didn't!?

Then this week I watched Don Siegal's The Killers. Ronald Reagan is in it and he looks about 70 years old. Keep in mind this is in like 1966! It makes me feel weird when old people live for 20 years or more. Right? No, probably not right.

Roundup! Toro Video! New Heads! LA Report.

2010-02-13T08:27:00.000-08:00

Hello to all my 'dirty dirtys'. I hope you're well this fine February. Valentine's Day is upcoming, and I'm hoping to not get gangbanged this year, as per my contract. Let's talk about things. There's a new episode of Heads! It's up exclusively at Street Carnage right now.
Also, I'm getting into season one of Friday Night Lights. Is it too late for me to become an athlete?
I visited LA recently. Here's an exclusive pic from it:

The secret word is 'don't scare Pee Wee with my almost psychopathic overenthusiasm'
I wrote about all the starwatching I did here.
I also have a new Trailer Review for Toro!

Jay Reatard

2010-01-26T10:45:00.000-08:00

Jay Reatard died almost two weeks ago, and I just wanted to give my sympathies to his friends and family. A loss like this must be very difficult. I met Jay a handful of times, but had performed at shows with his bands since 2003, loved his music, and he was a friend to Brutal Knights, as our guitarist Jon explains in better detail on our myspace blog
I don't know what to say, what to add, except that I feel deeply saddened by what happened. He was an engaging, genuine person and a huge presence. The fact that he accomplished so much in 29 years is extraordinary.

(watch past the animated intro, kicks in at 0:45 or so...)

You can listen to The Cherry Blossom Clinic's 2 hour tribute to Jay's music here.

Trailer Review, End of Recordings, Comedy For Haiti

2010-01-25T12:12:00.000-08:00

Thanks to anyone who came out to the recordings. Thanks also to Ben Kaplan of the National Post for letting me 'chatbout' myself. The last one was yesterday and from January 14th on it has been a little odd focusing on the comedy, but hopefully I provided some entertainment that both celebrated/made us forget about problems. Speaking of, on Toromagazine.com I reviewed the trailer for Extraordinary Measures.

Also, in Toronto a bunch of shows are raising money for relief in Haiti Read about it here.
Also, I had a "would you rather" used at SF Sketchfest in the Comedy Death Ray show. You can download it as part of their podcast here.My thing comes up at like minute 31. Hiyo.

Avatar Trailer Review

2010-01-17T13:20:00.000-08:00

First of all,TV Carnage is still great.
Secondly, Avatar came out. I wrote a column that discussed The 'Avatar Blues' and some other stuff. In late 2009 I also reviewed the trailer for Avatar.

Recording Sets.

2010-01-10T10:15:00.000-08:00

So I'm gonna make an album on Talent Moat records. The first recording is today! Come on out if you're in Toronto and you like filthmouth. The first show is today!

Trailer Reviews, Cont'd. "The Spy Next Door"

2010-01-10T10:10:00.000-08:00

This 2010 is starting off with a trailer reviewing BANG! So...bang?

My FAVORITE Albums of The Year!!?!?

2010-01-03T10:09:00.000-08:00

For the last 6 or 7 years I have been occasionally entrusted to write about music. I like it - I especially like interviewing people, because it is only then that I am able to deeply misquote them. Misquoting has become favorite hobby/pastime. Lately the weekly I've been writing for has cut their freelance budget, so I haven't been writing anything about music lately. They still wanted a top 10 albums of 2009 list from me, which was nice. I scrambled to think of what I liked this year. So I will reprint the top ten albums I chose, with some elaboration on why.

1.The Spits - School's Out
I don't even know what this album's called - "S/T" or "Vol.4" or whatever, but I do know that I still love the Spits after all these dirty, misspent years. It's dazed punk rock, and I need that the most. The lyrics always make me laugh too. If you don't like it, that's fine, but it doesn't make you better than me, yet.

2.Raekwon - Cuban Linx II
This is one of the more respected rap releases this year, and even though I listen to loads and loads of hip-hop, when it came to new releases I didn't really focus on much from this year. It all just gets confusing; in the 2000s most of our rap years are interchangeable. The hip hop of this decade past is a hodgepodge of pleasingly lobotomized southern rap, overly emphatic punchlines, Pharrell Williams, and a secret emo edge.
Back to Rae, the 15 years that it took to produce this album showed that as an MC he has retained his skills and his ear - there are no duds and no particular awkward attempts to blend into a pop landscape. He did good and it was very necessary for him to do so.

3.Urban Blight - More Reality 12"
Now this is great; saw Urban Blight twice this year and enjoyed it both times, although they are one of these bands where the crowd loses it to such an extent that it can cover up the songs. Speaking of, the recording is scummy and frustrated-sounding. It really showcases that people who don't drink or do drugs and are obsessed with baseball are deeply angry inside. It's really quick and everything sounds like it's a step away from crumbling. Just like our society you idiot!

4.Mad Men - Two At A Time Plus One
Mad Men is the one man project of Fucked Up and Career Suicide's Jonah Falco(he recorded the Urban Blight album FYI - with one mic) This is not on the verge of crumbling - in fact Falco is a really solid musician and writer who comes from a family of musicians. It's got weirder things going on than other hardcore - sounding like a mix of melodic punk, with back and forth vocals and a rushed speed that keeps everything very breakneck. They've played live a few times but there's no cohesive lineup. I'm hoping Jonah does an acoustic show soon. Couldn't find any youtube stuff, so here's Jonah Falcon showing his penis to George Takei.

5.Woods - Songs Of Shame
Heard this closer to the end of the year, and it fullfils my criteria because it's
a)kinda sad b)totally awesome and c)unique and low-budget (like the movie Red).

Crystal Antlers - Tentacles
LA's Crystal Antlers impress me because of the fact that they're all in their early 20s. When I was in that age, it was hard enough for me to brush my teeth, much less sign to Touch & Go right before it closed up shop for awhile. These gang of hombres are just dudes. They're not trendy, but they're not a bunch of balls of corn who mainly care about their amps and facial hairs. To be fair, they do have beardish items, but they're from LA and I have a higher tolerance for west coast face rugs than for guys from Brooklyn who try to rock the 'hasidic Levon Helm' steez. Also, they are good live. To wit:

7.Major Lazer - Guns Don't Kill People, Lazers Do
Though I sometimes find the vocalists have too much of a UK ragga vibe for me, the beats are great on this, and the sense of humour present is entertaining. Plus there's this]:

8.Brent Weinbach - The Night Shift
Brent Weinbach is a west coast comic who won the "Andy Kaufman Award" a little while ago. No, "The Andy Kaufman Award" is not a euphemism for dying. His debut album is a collection of standup clips, prank phone calls, and somewhat earnest songs. This variety kept me interested while also keeping me glued to my wheelchair. I haven't paid for the wheelchair yet, but when healthcare kicks in I plan to. Oh wait, I live in Canada so I already have healthcare. Wait a second, this isn't a wheelchair at all - it's whale char!

9.Lonely Island Incredibad
The Lonely Island have a pretty good handle on popular music, especially if it's got rap vibes. So I must support the release of their Long Player release, Incredibad. The supporting videos add a lot more to the songs, but without said songs the videos wouldn't exist - and so Incredibad, I tip my hat to your hilarities. Anyone who thinks Andy, Jorma and Akiva are not funny folk should shave their head and make a song called if You Seek Amy. I love that "Stork Patrol" is a pretty accurate Ghostface parody.

10.Rick Ross - Deeper Than Rap
I don't know. I just don't know. But I do know this: I like the song "Rich Off Cocaine". Super happy pop choruses that make the Neptunes sound like Darkthrone are the future of rap beyond the oughts. Is that a good thing? IS ANYTHING A GOOD THING?

Vernon Chatman, Interviewed. By me.

2009-12-04T14:36:00.000-08:00

So a little while ago I interviewed Vernon Chatman about his new comedic endeavour "Final Flesh".
That interview had to be cut for space, so I thought I'd put up the longer version here. I still omitted a couple of things, namely Vernon praising comediac Derrick Beckles, whom he produced the Totally 4 Teens pilot with for Adult Swim - Chatman feels it was Beckles' cuts that made the final product of T4T so enter"T4T"ning. He also claims a fondness for the work of Toronto comedian David Dineen-Porter, specifically his L'Brondelle's Universe series. It was an enjoyable conversation, and when I go to heaven, I pray that it comes with me...
I hope the sound levels are decent for this interview.
I only do interviews in megabass. The truth is in the low end. That's where all the spooks live. Do you hear that static?
Yeah. It could be on my end.
When I hear static, I get scared and wet my dress. I might bite you. If I show my teeth, back off. I don't mean it.
Final Flesh was an awesome idea.
It was an awesome idea, and then [watching it] all awesomeness went away?
The awesomeness 'went away' into my eyes while I watched and enjoyed it.
So you think that when something enters your eyes that it goes away? You think of your brain as a black hole?
I think my favorite of the four companies that made Final Flesh was the first group, with the baby outfit and the attempt to re-enter the womb.
That was probably my favorite too, because it was the first one we got back. When I watched it, I actually felt repulsion at myself. I wasn't prepared for that – but I got hooked.
Did the actors improvise dialogue to any extent?
No. We were very adamant that they stick totally to the script. There's like four words in the whole thing that are different. I was really adamant that the script was the fetish. The only real music and sounds on there are things that we had to just mix down. One of the companies used a Linkin Park song. It was beautiful. I got massive beef with Linkin Park. Huge, pendulous beef. Drooping beef with Linkin Park. It hurts too much to think about why, so I just sit and stare at my gigantic beef that I have with them.
There's a 2003 calendar on the fridge in a scene. Was set design in your hands as well?
Yes. You know how Orson Welles took 8 years to make Othello? It's like that. It was 2002, maybe 2001. Whatever the Othello production schedule was, ours was like that. It was very important for the story to see that years had gone by. You feel it in the air. In the first one it's like 'what's gonna happen with Iraq?' is in the air, and by the last one it's like 'when are we getting out of Afghanistan'. Every prop that we used was in the script. It was all a script to make [the actors] fail, basically. I figured everybody has a home or an apartment, so as long as I used the kitchen, or the bathroom or the dining room, I would be safe.
No deserts.
I feel like when you watch it, a desert forms in your mind. I know when I first started watching it, sand started dumping out of my mouth. Gallons of gallons of sand. Then out of my eyes – tons and tons of sand. That's what's supposed to happen. If someone buys a DVD and that doesn't happen, they should burn down a Wal-Mart.
When did you discover these customizable fetish websites?
A friend of mine had heard about them, and said 'you should make a music video like that', and I thought it'd be better to hear them talking. It's so much funnier to make porn actors talk.
To step away from the orifices for a moment.
Take stuff out of your holes and really feel, and create moods. Every porn actor is waiting for this moment to unplug their hole and let their heart sing.
You gave them days and days of a refreshingly sex-free life.
If there's a word that combines 'poetry' with 'favor', I don't even wanna know how to pronounce it. I'm just glad it exists.
Did Final Flesh wind up turning into an Orson Welles budgetary situation where it wound up costing more than you thought?
There's a wide variety of price points in this industry. The cheapest was $900, except for the first one – he agreed to http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif$900, because he didn't realise how long it would take. They're used to movies being an hour long, and taking 61 minutes to shoot. They didn't realise that with the dialogue and the cutting, they wound up being there all night, and the actors got really pissed and wouldn't leave his house until I agreed to give the actors all $100 each extra. All the other prices were pretty similar. I don't know what the price per stroke is, but it's low, believe me. In any good porn, a buck a stroke is industry standard.
Animation, puppets, Snoop Dogg or porn stars: who was the easiest to work with?
Porn stars are the easiest because they'll do anything (into any hole) and as long as they can pronounce it, they'll try and say your jokes as if they are totally serious. Snoop is in last place.
While watching it, did you ever get the sense that the actors understood that your lines were in fact, jokes?
I think that maybe in the second one there was a chance that there was some awareness that [it] was more complicated than just softcore fantasy porn from a strange person. Regardless of whether they were hip to what was happening or not, they had to commit or else it doesn't work. It was kind of interesting to see the spectrum. Some people commit like 'this is your thing', and it's really sincere, and it's beautiful and sweet that they would do that. The first group didn't try to interpret, they just executed it. The second ones -I think they tried to really interepret it and add something. But they all [added something], in their own way.
To be deadpan in those parts is key.
Any actor or comedian would be too aware that it was funny, but people doing jokes that they don't know are jokes – to me it's very funny, and it's hard to find that. Farming it out and letting someone fail, that's hopefully what works [with] Final Flesh.
There's a degree of making people do that in your work.
Puppeteering everything. But that's all that making shit is. It's making people or objects do what you want them to do. If you see any Hollywood movie or TV show that has actors in it, they're all doing the bidding of somebody. The examples you're using are more about that power dynamic, so I think it's more honest. You're laughing at the imbalance of power. The manipulation is on the surface, and that's part of the joke. If anyone got angry at me, they'd be part of the joke. People aren't that dumb. I wish! If we were wildly successful, people might get after us like that, but we're just moderately successful.
I liked the episode of Xavier["Chief Beef Loco"] where he becomes a gang member. I thought it was a nice reference to Grand Theft Auto-style gang animation.
I'd never played one of those videogames! People think it's playing with videogames or something, but for years me and John have loved the clumsiness of CG animation. Everything is human scale but it's all so weirdly clumsy, it's hilarious. The animation style is so lamely ambitious. When you leave these computer animation guys to their own devices, they always want to go to some cosmic place. It's so ugly, god damn it. Something about CG attracts a particular brand...I think it's animators who think they're not doing animation. Our animators were not really like that, but we did have to teach them that we liked stuff because it was shitty. We'd have to tell them 'go back to the clumsy, shitty thing'.
So on that end of things, you actually need people to 'get it'.
You can't be playing a trick on them, not when they're crafting things frame by frame.

THE FOURTH KIND

2009-11-23T11:30:00.000-08:00

What more can I say than "watch this video and let me know what you think"?

Videos!!!

2009-11-17T13:01:00.000-08:00

I don't post here enough, and when I do, it's generally to tell you about videos I've made or like. And so, here are some videos I've been involved with or like.

A review of The Art Of Seducing Difficult Women:

Then Graham Wagner and I made a cartoon called "Heads"

Also, I am a fan of Scottober and a fan of the new Fuppets cartoon

Cot' Damn...

2009-10-02T08:53:00.000-07:00

How To Be A Serial Killer and more...
So I have a new Toro Pop Culture With Nick Flanagan episode...next edition will be shorter, so enjoy what we've got here:

Also, I have a Joke Club in Toronto Wednesday October 7 Please go.
Also, I wrote a column about Roman Polanski...This is it. Find out where my sympathies truly lie.
I will update again later and it will be so special.

New Stuff, New Things, A New Me

2009-08-31T08:14:00.000-07:00

New Toro videroo

Been doing lots of shows, been doing lots of snuff snortin', been doing lots of copying and pasting, and have been considering becoming one of these "male burlesque dancers". All I need is some ka ching ka ching "$$$" type stuff so that I can buy some cock pasties. I said "pasties" not "pastries", sicko!!
xo
nick

New SH*T!

2009-08-20T07:51:00.000-07:00

OK you wackos. I wrote a new Toro column about Brad Pitt, Bob Dylan and Eric Dane. Hope you laugh. Also, lately I am listening to this Beastie Boys/Nas song and trying to figure out how much I like it. I like it, I know that. But I don't think I love it like I love my father. After I interviewed Raekwon, he assaulted notorious rappin' schlub Joe Budden. Thoughts? I think the worst part of it is that it's all in regards to a Vibe Magazine Top 50 list, and for some reason JB thinks he should be on it. That's like a piece of poop thinking it goes in the urinal. Can't we all just get along?

Raekwon Interview!

2009-08-15T12:33:00.000-07:00

I interviewed Raekwon the Chef. It was fun.
I also reviewd a Jamie Foxx concert

New Toro Video!

2009-08-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

Brand new Toro Video

Hope you like it.

The Joke |Club!

2009-08-11T08:26:00.000-07:00

Another Joke Club is headed your way, Toronto. With video from Graham Wagner & I, and Aubrey Ives. Also featuring guest Mark Little!

Pat Thornton!

David Dineen-Porter!

And that's just a taste?

Movie Reviews & A New Toro Blog.

2009-08-06T13:10:00.000-07:00

Oh Hi, Mark. It's me, Nick. How are you? I just had a couple of my nearest and dearest in town for 10 days of eating, watching TV and making hasty exits from bars and clubs. It was really fun and anytime you're my best friend and you want to come visit, that would just be great!
On the reportage front, I made a new Toro column: Here it is: Jude Law, Simpson/Romo and The Usual Crud

Now let's talk films:

The Room:As good as anybody says it is. Tommy Wiseau is a fascinating onscreen presence on par with the dog who played Beethoven. Sometimes I think he's a Paul Reubens character. MUST SEE.
A Family Underground: This documentary on Insane Clown Posse's annual Gathering Of The Juggalos proved to me what I always thought: Psychopathic Records is a modern day version of Stax/Volt. There is that much raw, facepainted talent there. Twizted are absodefinutely the new Sam and Dave.
Bruno:
Why is there criticism of Ron Paul being harassed in this movie? I assumed the world was demanding that he be harassed in some manner. I wasn't demanding it, but I figured somebody was.
Bronson: No, this isn't a biography on Balki, although it is about a man with a ridiculous accent. It's about the most violent prisoner in British history and I found it very well-done, if a little fighty. There should be an entire British genre called 'hard man movies', because this is yet another one where a big English guy unblinkly yells at the camera and prison guards. MEGAN FOX MAKES ME A HARD MAN AM AH RIGHT UKNOWHAMEAN

New video!

2009-07-30T10:53:00.000-07:00

Hello my dear blog readin' pals. Are you OK? I'm. Lots of shows coming up in the next month or two-it's fairly exciting stuff, including a date opening for Jon Lajoie in September and an upcoming Joke Club show in August. Whatever the case, I have a new Toro video!

Smiff N Wessun & Black Moon rule.

2009-07-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

The Black Moon/Smiff N Wessun show was great. Here's the original copy of my review, originally published at eyeweekly.com:

Black Moon with Smiff N Wessun, Marco Polo & Torae @ Opera House, Thursday July 23rd. Editorial Rating: *****
The atmosphere at last night's Opera House 'Tribute To The Classics' headlined by Brooklyn's Black Moon and Smiff N Wessun (AKA The Cocoa Brovaz), likely because those who know the group and their label Duck Down, know. With a Toronto fanbase that seems to have infinite respect for the groups, with a large portion of that infinite faith stemming from their debuts-Black Moon's Enta Da Stage pretty much solidified the bellowed rap chorus as a song mechanism, and Smiff N Wessun's Dah Shinin' was a dank exercise in steller MC back and forth over undeniable beats from Duck Down's in-house masters Da Beatminerz. After a spirited set from Marco Polo & Torae that got the crowd involved and further amped, Evil Dee launched into a DJ set that seamlessly led to Smiff N Wessun hitting the stage with Timz N Hood Chek, Dah Shinin's leadoff track. Evil Dee shone as much as anyone that night, using hiphop stalwart beats to great effect-the second verse of Timz N Hood Chek was backed by the Deep Cover beat, and he would use split second snippets of Welcome 2 Jamrock and Ante Up to incite the crowd. He even scratched with his face during his intro set. Smiff N Wessun parlayed the chemistry they showed on wax into their live performance, with slightly changed up flows that didn't take away from the songs, and excited demeanors that felt genuine. After several songs from them, Buckshot hit the stage, displaying an energy that many MCs could learn from. He started off with Powerful Impak, Enta Tha Stage's lead track, and kept going, unafraid to freestyle when the moment took him, and going back and forth across the stage with the energy of a stoned-via-vaporizer Michael Phelps. Trading stage time with Smiff N Wessun proved simple-the groups came together for songs like Black Smiff N Wessun and U Da Man(which also featured an appearance from Duck Down CEO Big Dru Ha and his revered 'I always get the pussy 'cuz I tell 'em that I'm Spanish' line), and each acted as hypemen for the other during off-time. Buckshot also ripped through a verse from Black Moon MC 5 Ft. Accelerator, who was absent due to border problems. The venue was packed and happy, with the high point being Sound Bwoy Buriel, which many in the crowd rapped along with, and which basically had as much impact on their fans as Bruce Springsteen performing Born To Run would on have on his. Ending with an impassioned freestyle from Buckshot critiquing Autotune's distinct, often unacknowledged similarity to the work of Roger Troutman, and an exit to the strains of Hey Joe, this was an intimate and brilliant celebration of important works in hip-hop.

Band. Celebrities. Rap.

2009-07-23T10:12:00.000-07:00

Hey weirdies. You`re all great, right? Except for you, guy who said backhanded thing me that time. And you, guy who looked at me weird just because I was at the dollar store looking for cheap air freshener. Hey did you what? I wrote a new Toro column about Paula Abdul, Walter Cronkite, and all of our other friends
Don't forget! If you're in Montreal this weekend, Brutal Knights performs.

Tonight I get to see Black Moon. Smiff N Wessun too. You know who I'm talking about, right? I'm talking about these dudes...

You will hear more about me hearing a show later.

Newest Video.

2009-07-18T13:55:00.000-07:00

Film reviews, Billy Bob Thornton impression and more!

Hope you enjoy!

Things I Didn't Write In Reviews and Interviews.

2009-07-12T12:47:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been thinking of the things I do. By 'lately', of course I mean 'since I discovered self-obsession at the age of 3, when I first noticed my reflection in windows and mirrors'. I write about music a fair amount, and at some point I decided to make my reviews a little more informative than opinionated. Essentially, one should assume that in my spare time, I don't listen to 75% of the stuff I'm assigned to check out or review. Yes, as nice as they were, I was unfamiliar with Biffy Clyro prior to being assigned an interview. They're talented and nice though. What the fuck were they doing on the Warped Tour though?
It's questions like that, and comments like "Even though this review is evenly toned, keep in mind that I think Offspring blow bigger chunks than those which broke off of the Titanic" Also "Dexter Holland changed his hairstyle when Fieldy, Christina Aguilera and Mena Suvari started copying it".
At the moment I'm not sure what to tell you I would have written but did not. Maybe I'll start with my recent Rock The Bells Review. I forgot to mention this stuff:
-Joe Budden is like a rap version of Homer Simpson, except not as funny. No idea why he has certain internet messageboards agog. He was trying to be the star of Slaughterhouse, but Royce 5'9 and Crooked I are the obvious standouts to me in that weird unsuccessful guy supergroup. Great T shirts though. Plus, Joell Ortiz has heart though.
-Seriously, Mos Def was on another planet. It was very strange. I kinda loved it, but it was odd as Hell. The new album is good.
-Molson Amphitheatre is a nightmare. $9 cups of beer, an inconsistent security staff that may or may not target pot smokers, awful acoustics and a general barf/concrete odor.
-The stage setup was sparse and kinda shabby for the show, although once the light fixtures above the stage started working it got kind of cool.
-Talib Kweli is an awkward onstage presence no matter what you tell me. But he can rap.

Sarah Palin.

2009-07-08T14:15:00.000-07:00

I wrote about Sarah Palin.

Please tell me how it makes you feel when you read my thoughts.
Speaking of, I think it should be illegal for arenas to charge $10 for beer. i know they're trying to keep people sober, but I'd rather a happy drunk driver than a poor drunk driver. Right?

Another Week, Another Video.

2009-07-04T15:49:00.000-07:00

Yep!
See you in Montreal, Ottawa and beyond in the next little while!
xo,
Nick

PS What do you think of my Billy Bob Thornton impression?

New Pop Culture Video.

2009-06-30T07:35:00.000-07:00

Dogs, I just made a new video. It's up at Toromagazine.com/popculture .
It's also viewable below. Hope you like it.

I Blogged About Perez

2009-06-24T15:37:00.000-07:00

The title says it all, except for the interior of said blog. I write columns as well as do these videos on pop culture for toromagazine.com, and my most recent column deals with this late-night attack in a cruddy, shiny, Hellhole of a neighbourhood on a vaunted humourless, power-hungry bloggista. An attack on Perez Hilton is an attack on our way of life. Our way of life sucks, though.

Cinecycle

2009-06-22T12:06:00.000-07:00

There's lots of crazy times here in “tha Hog-dot”-we've got imitation SF burritos that might as well be called wraps or pita pockets; we've got stores that mostly sell gum, and of course we have 'DIY venues'. It's a whole thing here, making unorthodox places to have shows. If I weren't lazy, I'd go to the many art/music exhibits that seem to happen at midnight under deserted underpasses and abandoned mental hospitals. As it stands, I've already played too many of those in town. One of the most stupid was a punk show at a place called Cinecycle. It's a fairly mellow venue normally, but this was a massive show in 2005 or 2006, I can't remember. Clorox Girls and The Observers and our band and Fucked Up and Career Suicide and Demons Claws and The Bayonettes. It was a big one, and it was full as a rich man's tummy. To set the scene: Cinecycle is kind of like a bike garage, but instead of bikes it is filled with cinematic memorabilia. There are mannequins everywhere; reproductions of the Marx Brothers and C3PO greet you on the way in, there's a bunch of signed Fatty Arbuckle posters, and there's even a popcorn machine that doesn't work. It's a veritable museum of the history of cinema.

Unfortunately, as soon as the first band started, a fauxhawked punk and a girl with a Chelsea Clinton haircut sawed all the Marx Brothers in half with one of those big logger saws. I was like 'damn we should have frisked at the door!' Then Demons Claws put a firework in the popcorn machine, so that got wrecked. When we played it was sheer bedlam. This one guy was dressed like Tarzan and had installed ropes from the venues ceiling. He swung back and forth on them the whole time, wantonly kicking people in the head and shoulders. He made a grand exit by swinging out the back door, right into a paddy wagon! The cops beat him until he was a black guy. That's right, the cops showed up! Believe it. It was a full on nut bonkers wild time. Fucked Up came out, and Pink Eyes made a long bilingual speech about how it's important to support policemen and how much he loved them, but he totally flipped the script by ending the speech with a snarky 'Not!' as the band played their underground hardcore smash hit “Police” a record six times. The venue was literally leveled by the time it was over, and the cops had to drag a microphone away from the big singer. I was weeping from excitement. It was the greatest night of my life, and it could only happen in Toronto, the Littler Apple.

New Things 'A Comin'.

2009-06-19T07:52:00.000-07:00

It's been almost a year but I think I'll repost some stuff up in this piece. What do you say? 'Til then, here's some of my toromagazine.com videos...

I had a lot of fun hosting the Chunklet showcase at NXNE last night in Toronto. Now I am bleary-eyed and bushy-tailed. Also bushy front-tailed. Leaving for shave now.

F YEah Flix, continued

2008-09-06T10:44:00.000-07:00

Jonny from Crystal Antlers shows us a toy in St.Louis.

Amie from Monotonix, bus wildman.

Totally Michael hangs out while Hannibal Buress surfs a porno website while listening to a motivational tape.

F Tha KKKops

2008-09-02T07:00:00.000-07:00

Working at a warehouse in a lower-income part of town for two days last week made me feel lower-class. Not because of the nature of the work, as filing things away and pretending to do stuff while in a dull, semi-supervised environment is something that happens in all range of classes, but because I was treated like a criminal. This did not happen at work. No, at work everybody liked me and gave a lot of leeway and let me work a couple of shifts when there was really no call for an extra guy. The work gang delighted in my lunchtime trips for three dollar barbecue pork, my subtle pooh-poohing of their musical tastes, and my pathetic tales of poor bicycling skills. I was treated like a criminal by none other than the police. Not the band.
It all began when I decided to sneak off and get some juice at the corner store. I clumsily hopped on my bicycle, arriving at my destination within forty seconds. While spending roughtly attempting to affix my miniature bike lock (designed for children) to a nearby fence, I heard a commanding “Hey, you!”. I turned around to see that two police officers, a man and a woman, were beckoning me towards the squad car they sat within. Feeling guiltless and inquisitive, I approached the car. They asked me some dumb questions. “Do you know why we’re talking to you?” and “What are you doing?” being the two I remember. I half expected them to ask “Are we the cops?” I looked at them, and they looked at me.
“We had report of a ‘B&E’ up the street, and the suspect matches your description,” said the male. I told him I had literally just left work and hadn’t done any breaking and entering. Apparently my word wasn’t good enough, and they asked me for my ID. Dumbly, like a robot, a peon, a serf, an automaton, a servant, a humble subject of the land, I handed them my ID, which I explained was expired. They ran it through some kind of system, and then I was told “OK thanks pal” as they went on their way, for sure not solving the crime. But if I ever wind up in Guantanamo Bay, I’ll know how they found me.

F Yeah Flix

2008-08-29T11:49:00.000-07:00

Joy and pain. Sunshine and rain.
In honor of this weekend's F Yeah Fest, here are some pictorial memories of this summer's touring...

Mike from Videothing.

Massage chair in Cornwall.

Fourth of July in Columbus.

The two most dreadlocked white guys of 2008, talking together.

Greased Lightning.

Jim from Team Robespierre relaxes at The Tower in Cleveland, OH.

I was tired.

Too Dark?

2008-08-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

Let The Man Have Cancer, But You Can Be Sad About It

Privacy: everybody wants it, especially those who have forsaken it in exchange for iconic status. The most recent case of this is the venerable Paul Newman, of whom it is hard to say a bad word, unless you are one of his salad dressing competitors, an anti-Semite, or both. Suddenly a friend of his accidentally infers that Paul is ailing, and the first world falls into a panic. I say we ought to panic. There should be a rule that when a certain pinnacle of fame is reached, that person should become immortal. Perhaps this is true-Newman’s publicist wound up denying these reports of illness. Let’s just leave this formerly attractive man alone and see what happens. Stop pestering him. Papparazi are apparently parking outside of his lungs, hoping for a good shot. Somebody should pour a high-end vinaigrette on them. What’s next: a Michael J. Fox 24-Hour Shakewatch? All we can hope is that money is taken out of disease research, and moved to celebrity eternal life exploration.

Doings

2008-08-23T08:06:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you knew, but since May I have been the "Pop Culture" guy at Toromagazine.com. Click here to check out some of my videos and blogs. Anyway, it's a great job, partly because I get to feel like Mike Walker,and partly because I get to do things like help judge a Grey Goose mixology competition. Things have been crazy, crazy crazytimes lately. Brutal Knights have had some shows here and there, and I went away for close to a month as part of the F Yeah Tour. I'd like to think my 300 word Toro writeup beats the pants off of the New York Times' thoroughness, just based on moxie alone. Over the next few days I'm gonna print an unused Toro column here, as well as some pics from the tour. For now, here's one of the Toro videos...

Foot Sex

2008-05-09T11:35:00.001-07:00

From Aaron Eves & Graham Wagner.

Press

2008-05-07T08:29:00.000-07:00

The other day I posted an interview I did with Thunderant. Yet today, I am telling you I did an interview where someone(Zosia Bielski)asked me the Q's. It was on a slightly bitter day for me. I'd love to know your thoughts.

Thunderant

2008-04-28T10:24:00.000-07:00

Fred Armisen used to have band called Trenchmouth. Carrie Brownstein used to have bands called Sleater-Kinney and Excuse 17. Now they make hilarious videos under the semi-meaningless name Thunderant about feminist bookstores, answering machine-based songwriting, and emotive dating. They have a new one too. They make Portland’s gloomy inclusiveness funnier than it has any right to be. I got them on the horn, and we all got horny.
When I was talking to Fred, I was basically treating him like he was my psychiatrist. I was venting, and he told me “Don’t ever worry, everything’s going to work out. It always does.” It was encouraging.
Carrie Brownstein: He’s really positive. He’s way more of an optimist than I am. He’s just a nice guy who always looks on the bright side of things. He’s just one of those generous, earnest people that are good to have around.
Fred Armisen: I’m definitely an optimist. I’ve always been an optimist, because I’ve had some decent luck in my life.
CB: Fred’s really easy to work with. We already had a loose, comfortable dynamic and we made each other laugh all the time. The videos were just a way of formalizing things we were doing for fun anyway. That’s the essence of Thunderant: giving parameters to the way we interact.
FA: We want it to feel very Portland. It’s a microcosm.
Have you noticed these feral clowns in Portland? They have face tattoos and they ride tall bikes. They’re sort of these punk clown people.
FA:You’re making it up.
They apparently used to have a house where they did puppet shows.
FA: I want to be one! Shit!
They stand around outside of cafes and harangue people.
FA: I’m going to research this.
Carrie, do you know about the clowns?
CB: They’re on Alberta Street, although I think they got kicked out of their house. The thing is that for Fred and I Portland has such a great pool for us to cull from. There are so many great characters here. There’s people whose beliefs and endeavors I respect, but I cannot believe sometimes that the city nurtures these peoples who build bicycles the shape of an asterisk, or a square, and they’re like twenty feet tall. How is that less annoying than driving a hummer? If I’m following you and you’re on a bike that is a giraffe, that’s more annoying to me than following some gas-guzzling S350 truck. People take good intentions so far that it backfires. You can’t take everything seriously. I also was in the kind of band who I think everybody assumed the band members were these really strident people, but we weren’t and we’re not, so in some ways I think a lot of my friends that have responded to Thunderant are happy to see me doing something that is more reflective of the way I am in real life, which is a lot looser and a lot sillier.
How did you meet?
FA: I remember I was a huge fan of Sleater Kinney, and in my band days I may have met with Carrie, but it was really brief. We did have a gig with Heavens To Betsy once, but they opted out of the show because the venue wasn’t all ages. Totally ‘90s. After awhile Carrie and I emailed each other-she wanted to get into a show, and we just became friends. We spoke the same language. Originally I would go to Portland to visit Carrie and Corin [Tucker] just to hang out. It was purely social. When the band broke up that’s when we started doing the video pieces. Before it was a lot more loose. The first one, Boink, we did at a benefit for the Democratic Party in New York. I had and have this obsession with the later version of the late Saddam Hussein. To me, he just looked like an aging rock star. He was a villain, and he was angry, and he dressed well.
Saddam looks like he could play flamenco guitar.
FA: Yeah, I could see that.
But the British accent your Saddam has might contradict that.
FA: British people know Flamenco. They’re right by Spain. They go there on holiday.
As a musician who switched careers, do you enjoy encouraging musicians to “learn to play the funnybone”?
FA: Yeah. It helps everybody and it makes me look good. I feel most musicians have a good sense of humour. On tour everybody in bands talks about comedy shows they like.
Who are some of the funniest musicians you know?
FA: Jeff Tweedy is hilarious. He could do a standup show. Cat Power has charm. Carrie Brownstein, obviously. Steve Albini, he’s fucking hilarious. He’s fucking so funny, he could write books, or go on the Daily Show. He’s brilliant and he doesn’t take himself seriously. Goddamn, that guy is funny.

Tour Wrap, Part 3(final wrap)

2008-04-22T09:50:00.000-07:00

All in 14 words.
New Orleans
Nobody came to the show. We got lost at 6AM looking for our cars.

Athens,GA
American Cheeseburger rule, but we got there late. Jason made late vegan dinner. Pizza!

Raleigh
Stayed at punk house. Slept by a lizard. Snoring, sex and racist CDs. Grossness.

Richmond
Tony Bitch nicely made sure we all had Pabst. One of the best shows.

Philadelphia
No cheesesteak, but we had late night pretzels. Yum. I slept on a party.

Boston
Last show with White Load. Sadness,Whole Foods. Played a house, someone's glasses broke.

New York
Williamsburg on a Saturday feels like outdoor day care. Shemps 4 Ever. Met Bleachy.

Albany
Acid Reflux are good dudes. Enthusiastic garage show. Ended tour watching Howard The Duck.

I can't believe it took me three weeks to do such lightly detailed encapsulating. The moral lesson I learned from this tour was: doing the things you love is easier to do than doing the things you like.

Tour Wrap Pt.2-Austin edition

2008-04-14T10:35:00.000-07:00

More 14 word recaps.
Austin-day 1
Jon shopped for hitches. Twenty people stayed with Timmy. Saw Spits. Austin is warm.

(spits)

(Katie makes a run for the border)

(gnarled partying)
Austin Day 2
Vegan brunch. Blue Cheer. Stood around for an hour after bridge show, doing nothing.

(Katie layeth the snack down)

(Dickie Peterson+doobie girl)

(hard advice to take)
Austin Day 3
Did comedy. Got sunstroked and drunk. Wandered to Beerland and grossly did good show.

(bitch suck my dick I'm a rock star)

Tour Wrap pt 1.

2008-04-05T10:01:00.000-07:00

So we went away for just under three weeks, to the midwest and the south and the east coast. I'll be back again sooner than later, in another form. A gaseous form. Let's talk about what happened on tour, in 14 words per city. I started taking pictures on the way to Kansas City. No, we didn't make any money on tour, dad.

Lafayette
We were "in diana". College town. Gay bar. Low vocals. Slept in baby room.
Chicago
Ronny's.Good lineup. After-after hours after-after show. Ate $2 cheeseburger/fries combo. Hitler-themed flyer.
Milwaukee
Holy Shit! rule. Basement show, obviously. Relaxed instead of going to other show.
Minneapolis
Watched a senior(Cornbread Harris) tickle ivories, then stayed with great people from Faggot.
Des Moines
Anti-cop flyer. Enthusiastic crowd, great support for a monday night show. Yay midwest!
Kansas City(missouri)
Played the reopening of local venue The Anchor. Sweet bands, sweet people! Felt good.

(outside venue)

(inside venue)
Dallas
South. Played with da waste, da lung and boatchill gang.
Crowd no like us.

(whataburger jukebox)
Talk soon!!!

A Bridge

2008-04-01T11:38:00.000-07:00

Brutal Knights played on a bridge while we were away from our hometown. Nobody died. Nobody jumped off the bridge. There were no assaults. It was pretty crazy though, especially during Fucked Up's set.

BK

2008-02-29T21:56:00.001-08:00

Emotive

2008-02-29T17:46:00.000-08:00

Listen carefully to me. My back hurts and I am tired. I go on a trip shortly and am stressed out in regards to it. Blue Rodeo are playing somewhere right now. If that information makes you feel anything, you probably smoke hash.

Those Were The Days

2008-02-23T11:12:00.000-08:00

Queen Street Man, where have you gone? Oh right, you went to NYC.

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing - Photo Books

Queen Street, le pauvre

2008-02-21T10:49:00.000-08:00

There was a terrible fire downtown here in Toronto yesterday. It was on Queen Street West, between Bathurst and Portland. Right now they're sorting out why it happened, and late yesterday they were still dousing potential 'hot spots'. A block of people were displaced from their apartments, and the businesses that lined the street have been brutally affected, with Duke's, a long-standing bicycle shop dramatically collapsing, and the Queen Street wing of Suspect Video(my favourite video store and a cultural institution in my own life) seems like it was gutted, as well as National Sound, another well-regarded longtime source of electronics. Preloved next door must have been harshly affected as well. It seems inevitable that the six-alarm blaze had an awful impact on every business in the block.

For me, this is so sad because that little block has always been a pleasant, inspiring walk along a street that is often a depressing mix of the overly sunglassed and the overly needy, peppered with the irritating, enthusiastic and threatening presence of teens. The independent and fun stores that line that portion of Queen are reason I used to place that strip in a rareified place and treasured my irritating and enthusiastic teenage walks down there. When a group of them have their presence suddenly nullified, it's a frightening and quick change. I just hope that the storeowners and residents there are able to rebuild with a relative amount of ease.

Daniel, the manager of that Suspect, has posted a pretty admirable response to the situation. Read it and help if you can. They want to replace their library of insane titles.

In happier news, I actually got kind of turned on by that new Lohan photoshoot. Move over Gosling,I have a new virtual paramour.

Memories

2008-02-12T22:45:00.000-08:00

Montreal this weekend past was fun, if trying. We left late in the day because our guitarist had to operate a crane. This led to us driving through bad snow at night, and so we arrived at the venue at roughly midnight. It's never fun to walk in and have to play, but that was close to the reality for us. Then we played and I appeared in my customary underwear/boots look, which led to Steve Bennett and maybe others tearing my underwear off of me, forcing a song or two to be performed naked. Not cool at all. A man in underwear looks fine, but a nude man is just a less strong ape. Freed testicles are the opposite of freed mammaries. Between the nudity and my unfamiliarity with our set list, it wasn't my most comfortable Montreal appearance, but it went over better than my hyper-depressing attempts to do comedy at French Canadian rock bars have. At one point I used a beer pitcher as a fig leaf. Allegedly it wound up magnifiying the gross ball situation. Tonight we open for Andrew WK.

Salut

2008-02-09T10:45:00.000-08:00

I'm heading to Montreal right now to do band thing s there. I'll give you a full report when I get back. Yesterday some friends of mine ate pizza without me.

Do you want to remember how I knew about you?

2008-02-08T08:14:00.000-08:00

I did some interviewing over the past week. That's been exciting. Otherwise, nothing has been exciting. Exactly 0% occurs in February 8 for us hosers. So I know what that means: you want to read some of my interviews with comedians and rappers. I am really great at knowing what you want, yes? Let us proceed.
Jim Gaffigan
Bill Burr
Snoop Dogg

Breaking News

2008-02-05T21:46:00.000-08:00

Discuss.

Dreams

2008-02-05T09:10:00.000-08:00

Last night I came home from Catch-23, after band practice. I turned on the Howard Stern show, lay on my bed, and fell asleep. It caught me by surprise. I had no time to brush my teeth. I didn't even realise I fell asleep, as my dream was so pedestrian that I could have easily not dreamed it at all. In the dream, I went to my friend Graham's house and began trying to brainstorm with him, but it didn't really go anywhere, and I left to catch the bus home. Instead of doing that, I went to a bar in a high school and purchased a beer. I walked around the halls holding a beer in that weird 'holding a beer' POV from the movies, and came upon a lady taking portraits. I started taking a picture with her, but as she was doing so(and taking her time), I realised I was going to miss my bus. It was at this point that I woke myself up and brushed my teeth. Interpret.

New Clipse Mixtape.

2008-02-04T10:17:00.000-08:00

I like it so far. Nice DJ Drama"No Vaseline" reference at the beginning.
Streaming here!

Ape That A Shame

2008-02-04T10:01:00.000-08:00

This picture is giving me a "Bonerbo"

Adrift

2008-02-02T20:50:00.000-08:00

When Brutal Knights played Adrift the other week, a kid somehow clambered onto the pipe above the crowd. What a little Spiderman! Lindsay, who owns the place, promptly shouted at me to get him down from there. As I'm not Mr.Fantastic, there was nothing I could do except say 'dude, get down from there...' while the band kept playing. That's probably been my major contribution to society for the month.

After four days of craziness last week, I got a cold. My dad bought me some eggs and some Cold-FX. I used the eggs correctly(put them in fridge), but I'm not sure I used the cold medicine correctly. It told me to take 9 pills the first day, 6 pills the second day, and 3 pills the third day. What I did was I put 14 pills in my DVD player. I should have just gotten the flu shot years ago, and none of this shit would've gone down.

Chakras

2008-01-30T09:14:00.000-08:00

Lately I have been feeling a little 'blech'. By 'lately', I of course mean 'since I was 12'. Recently I have deduced this is because I need to do more yoga. Because I don't have time in my day to research what yoga is, I will quickly guess some yoga stuff I could do:

Leave milk in the sun for 3 days. Then crouch near it.
Every time I want to go to a convenience store to purchase jerky, go to a buddhist temple instead.
If I masturbate about Gosling, stretch first, then do the dirty thing as a reward for stretching.
Pour a bunch of chop suey on the floor and lie on the chop suey.
Buy a Japanese car?

I'll keep a yoga diary and let you know how my yogic progress is going on the yoga front.

Knights

2008-01-27T13:07:00.000-08:00

We played shows this weekend. Friday was Adrift Skate Shop's last concert. We played with Libyans, Acid Reflux, and our old friends Rammer. This is what their set looked like:

Before the show, I was worried. After the show, I was happy.

Bart The General.

2008-01-24T14:26:00.000-08:00

So the people at Famicon have been producing these odd homemade Simpsons episodes. They are very weird. The newest one recently arrived, and it's a challenge to watch, but don't be afraid. Just go for it. Episode 1 remains my favourite though.

Episode 3:

Episode 2:

Episode 1:

I Am A Writer

2008-01-24T09:21:00.000-08:00

See?

Stuck In This Rut

2008-01-23T09:06:00.000-08:00

I'm really scared, everybody, because I made a promise that a comedy show I'm performing at this sunday at The Rivoli will have no death jokes. The problem: I only know death jokes! So this means I have to come up with all new jokes. I hate coming up with all new jokes. It invariably leads to me looking at a notebook unblinkingly for about ten minutes, writing the word 'Hello', and then closing the notebook. At some point after that I lean my head against the wall. Then I watch that movie "The Notebook" for inspiration. Unfortunately, all that it inspires me to do is get a sex change operation so I can enjoy it more than I already do. My favourite scene is the one where Gosling dances with the babe.

Come To Toronto

2008-01-19T08:34:00.000-08:00

We can eat Ethiopian foods!

Then we can eat a fucking shawarma!

2 Men and A Baby.

2008-01-16T15:33:00.000-08:00

Nathan Fielder made this. With Chris Locke, Aaron Eves & Rebecca Addelman. And a baby.

Interviews

2008-01-15T10:30:00.000-08:00

Did some interviews for Brutal Knights-related concerns lately? Yes. I picked my "top ten punk albums" for the punk rock radio show "Rocket To Russia".

Also, I did an interview for Arthur, the Peterborough, Ontario student magazine.
Here's an excerpt:

Arthur: With all the controversy surrounding the training and fighting of animals, would you approve of filmed and commentated warfare between bugs (i.e. the ones seen at japanesebugfights.com)? Taking it a step further, would you accept a sponsorship/endorsement from the creators of such bug fighting leagues?

NF: I hate to speak for the vegans in the band, but I’ll put it this way: if I were vegan I would hate that movie Microcosmos and the insectoid Transformers. So no bug fights. But as a non-vegan I would definitely support. Bugs are totally bred to fight by God.

Tantalizing!

Travis

2008-01-14T15:33:00.000-08:00

Living alone, staying home a lot, and sometimes being stressed, it feels like I'm in my T.Bickle years. It's a pretty interesting experience. You pace your apartment a lot and wear a lot of things that are olive-coloured. Which reminds me-I haven't seen Taxi Driver in years!

Smells Like Fun

2008-01-11T07:28:00.000-08:00

What are you all doing today? I'm going to write a "to-do" list. I can't wait "to do" that, which is kind of an ironic thing, considering I'm avoiding writing it as I write this. By the way, so far this reinvigorated web journal has been recycling old shorts I've made, but I plan on making some new ones soon. Stay tuned.

I have some comedy shows in the ol' hometown(Toronto) this week. Wish me luck(the good kind).

Juno was bad. Walk Hard was bad(which made me sad). Death Proof was kinda bad. Superbad was kinda good. Brothers Solomon was funny(I wrote that earlier).

Speaking of reviews, I write for a weekly paper called Eye Weekly, and I wrote some stuff recently. Here's a piece on Jim Gaffigan. Here is a review of Lupe Fiasco's new album "The Cool". Finally, I wrote something about Cunninlyinguists fine new album Dirty Acres. It deserves four stars, not three.

We'll talk again someday!

Pepe

2008-01-09T09:49:00.000-08:00

I need to vacuum my tiny apartment. It will only take 3 minutes, but there's so many other things I could do with those 3 minutes. All of those other things pertain to checking out the messageboards on allhiphop.com.
It was my mom's birthday yesterday. New housecoat alert! Cake alert! Card alert!
I'm going to South By Southwest this year. The 13th and 14th are the days I will be there. I want to do comedy while I'm there. Isn't that an awesome, incredible dream?
This is probably the oddest video I've made, again with Rebecca Addelman and Graham Wagner.

yours truly,
Larry King jr.

Also funny.

2008-01-08T10:32:00.000-08:00

All My Exes, with Chelsea Peretti

Funny

2008-01-07T15:29:00.001-08:00

Addelman

2008-01-07T14:14:00.000-08:00

Rebecca Addelman is my friend. I made some really dumb videos with her. My two favourites are
Bath Goth

and The Apprentices

I really like Rebecca's smarts, comic timing, and willingness to sometimes act out my terrible, terrible idears*.

*ideas spelled UK style in honour of my British reader.

Addicted To The Shindig

2008-01-05T12:05:00.000-08:00

Happy news year, y'all. I've spent the last little while seeing movies and reading books. The conclusion: movies are mostly bad, and books are mostly good. I do recommend you see The Brothers Solomon.

I just got ahold of the Deranged version of our Living By Yourself EP. It looks rad! My unit is weird.

Wintertime

2008-01-03T10:58:00.000-08:00

From Katie Crown.

Brutal Knights

2008-01-02T13:11:00.000-08:00

Brutal Knights was pretty fun in 2007. We went to both Memphis and Oslo. The chicken is better in Memphis. We have some records coming out soon, I guess. We are recording some songs next week. One of them is called "Be My Babysitter".
We played in Guildford and it was gross

We probably deserve a money present

Obama Barak

2008-01-01T12:00:00.000-08:00

After some deliberation, I have decided to throw my support behind Bob Obama. He's the guy who's going to make it so we become a longer-lived, robot-served people. Also he'll teach us how to live in the sky. By 'us', I do mean Canadians.

Youtube

2007-12-31T10:26:00.000-08:00

I did some standup awhile ago. Here's a clip of it. Let me know if you have this on MP4. I need the "original file" so I can "send it to Hollywood".

Also, the claymation video I posted earlier was probably inspired by this:

Also, I love the Ramones.

Someone mentioned I should teach life lessons on this blog. So...get abortions if it comes down to it. Don't let all the pro-life movies brainwash you. Remove baby asap.